Rewind
by akaJB
Summary: [CHAPTER 2] sequel to I'm Still Here. SV - please review so i know if it's worth continuing (if i don't get more this time, i won't continue it. :( )
1. Rewind

That's right, it's finally here, the long awaited sequel to I'm Still Here!!! Okay, so many of you have probably not been waiting for it (but that only means that you should go and read I'm Still Here), but at least a few of you hopefully have.

The first chapter is really just a lot of exposition to explain what's happened, in quite brief terms, since we last left off. I think it's pretty clear who's POV it is, but if you have trouble, it's from Vaughns. The second chapter, will prob have an even more brief look at the past time from Syd's POV, before finally getting this story going. :)

I have no clue how many chapters this will end up being.. I just have a starting and end point I'd like to aim for... so grab on and join the ride.. hopefully it'll be a lot of fun... but if it isn't just tell me so I can try to fix the situation.

Okay let's get it moving.

Oh.. but if you HAVEN'T READ I'M STILL HERE GO READ IT, OTHERWISE YOU'LL BE KIND OF CONFUSED....

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters, except ones you don't recognize from the show.. like Josh. :) I don't make anything off of this, all it gives me is a chance to distress…

REWIND 

By Joey

Stop 

_Right there where you stand_

_Can we start again_

_And write this book just one more time_

_It's sad_

_To think it's come to this_

_But this is where it is_

_And now our road is undefined_

(Swirl 360 – _Rewind_)

As I enter the backyard, I feel as if I've been placed in the middle of a set for a music video for _99 Red Balloons_. Although, looking around, I'm quite sure that there are, in fact, more than 99 balloons swaying in the wind, and while a large number are red, many are also green, blue and yellow. It appears as if any place that looked like it had the remote ability to have balloons attached to it, now supports clumps of varying sizes. Even many of the kids running amok are either clenching tightly to a balloon in their hand, or have one tied to their wrist. A couple of the very young, are staring at the balloons, as if mesmerized by the way they shift and float in the wind.

Tearing my eyes away from the bright colours, that beckon from all corners of the yard, I move my way slowly through the crowd, taking notice of everyone who'd showed up. Nodding pleasantly at the ones I recognized but don't know, and greeting the others who I remember by name, until I finally reach a table that looks like it's about to collapse underneath the wait of all the gifts that have been haphazardly placed upon it. After locating a spot where I could place my gift with out upsetting the delicate balance of the table, I slip it into place, before turning back to the crowd, eyes seeking out the hosts.

Carrie and Marshall stand in the middle of a crowd of fellow agents, analysts, technicians, wardrobe designers and neighbours. I notice Mitchell sitting on Carrie's lap, a birthday hat on his head, as he squirms about, wanting to join the other children who are free to roam the yard.

Today Mitchell turns one. Today marks the one year anniversary of Weiss joining the Church of Mammals, and therefore the one year anniversary of Carrie and Marshall's marriage.

Today also marks the sixth month anniversary since Sydney's suicide attempt.

It's been a bumpy few months since that fateful week all those months ago. Sydney did exactly what I knew she was going to do without her having to a say a word. She left. Not forever mind you, just for three weeks. She said she was caching in on vacation time, at least that what I heard from Weiss. After that meeting in the hospital, I didn't see or hear from her for those three weeks.

I didn't even know she had left until Weiss mentioned receiving a postcard from her. Weiss didn't talk to me for a week after mentioning the postcard. I don't really remember the event, but conversations with Weiss since that day, and as well as with the few agents who had been around when it happened, apparently, (and this is quoting Eric here) I went postal on his ass.

Although the three weeks she was gone gave much needed time to think through, and deicide how to deal with and handle the Lauren/Syd situation. I decided after leaving the hospital that day, that I had two options. I could try and work things out with Sydney or I would try and work things out with Lauren. Sydney's second disappearance made my decision for me. I took a week off, as did Lauren, and we headed off on a vacation to Koh Samet, a resort island in Thailand. We spent the entire week talking our way through all our problems, finally deciding to give our marriage another month, and see if anything changed.

The following month, after Sydney's return, will probably always remain in my mind as the hardest month I have ever lived, second only to the night and following month (which I don't recall at all) after her initial "death." But this time, I had to deal with a Sydney who returned from vacation ready to completely cut my out of her life. Thankfully luck, and Dixon, was on my side, and she wasn't completely granted her wish.

Sydney wanted to remove herself from all things Rambaldi, CIA and the like. A proposition, that I know, had it been at any other time, I would've fully supported. Dixon refused her request, going as far as to tell her that if she chose to leave the CIA, the CIA would then be forced to place her under custody, as her role as _The Chosen_ was not something they could afford to ignore. We also can't afford to have her wandering around, available for whatever terrorist group to take.

Apparently, now this I only know from rumours, Sydney then asked Dixon to remove me from the case. I'm sure you can imagine just how much hearing that hurt. Dixon pulled through for me again, although I know it wasn't done at all for my favor, and I'm sure he would've granted Sydney's request, if I hadn't been involved with the Rambaldi mess for so long. He did though, agree to make sure that neither of us were ever placed on missions together. The only time we would be allowed to do one together, would be if it was a huge mission, and they ran out of other agents to fill the spots. Trust me, by the end of hearing about all this, I realized just how much I had lost Sydney. Not just as a girlfriend (which is a position I shouldn't have been thinking, marriage and all that) but as a friend. She didn't want to see me, deal with me, or be around me.

And so, for the month Lauren and I tried to mend our relationship, but we soon realize the damage had already been done, and was now irreversible. At the end of the month (we still made ourselves stick it out for the entire month) we filed for divorce. Surprisingly, considering her family's reputation, with the help of Dixon, and the willingness on both or parts, we've managed to keep the divorce proceedings quiet from everyone at the Op center. The divorce should be final in another week or so. I can finally feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders.

Lauren has continued on as the NSC liaison, and the two of us have grown even closer than when we were married. I guess without the idea of a romantic relationship hanging over our heads, we were able to do the one thing we probably would've been better off doing in the first place, become friends. We get together ever two weeks or so, depending on our workloads and go out for dinner to chat. She's even been confessing to me lately that she has a crush on a guy at work. I think soon we'll have to come out and tell everyone about the divorce, but we've both agreed that we'd like to wait for it to go through first, and that there are certain people that we should break it to in person.

Although, based on how my relationship with Sydney is at the moment, if you can call what we have a relationship of any form, it'll be doubtful that I'll ever get the chance to tell her the news myself.

And so that first month went by, hellish day by hellish day. But there was one bright spot. Two weeks in, Dixon announced that we were getting another agent to come and work on the Rambaldi case with us. Joshua Harper. Now Josh, Eric and I have been friends since we all met in CST training all those years ago, so I couldn't be more excited to have him come work. There'd finally be another guy to hang out with. Unfortunately, I forgot how friendly Josh was, and within the first week of his arrival, Sydney and him had hit it off, although Weiss constantly assured me that they were just friends.

This lead to awkward moment 247 during the course of that month with Sydney. Weiss and I had started to include Josh to our twice-weekly hockey evenings. Apparently Josh and Sydney had had a conversation that afternoon about hockey, where Sydney admitted she was a big fan. As much as this hurt me when I heard, I have to admit I was glad I managed to teach her about sometime I loved during those few short months we had together. But Josh, unknowing about Sydney and mine's history (it isn't, after all, something we like to talk about, the water cooler already hears enough), invited her along to that evening hockey night. In fact, I'm not sure that Sydney realized that Josh and I were good friends, because I don't think she would've accepted otherwise.

But suddenly that night, as I was skating around the rink, chasing after a puck, my gaze was snapped away from the ice when I heard her laugh. Maybe I'm quite stalkerish or something, but I've never forgotten the sound of her voice, her laugh, the way she likes her coffee or her nervous habit of tucking hair behind her ear. So when her laugh broke out across the arena, I was yanked from my thoughts, to glance up and see her sitting in the home players box with Josh, the two tying up a pair of skates. Now this definitely wasn't my most glamorous moment on ice, as I forgot that I was still traveling at high speeds, my gaze locked on her, when I crashed quite ungracefully into the side boards. As the crash echoed around the room, her gaze, like Josh's shot up from their skates, eyes locking in on mine from my position sprawled on my back on the ice.

Immediately shaking myself off, I got back to my feet, picking up my stick, and skating slowly towards the box to greet them.

"Hey Mike," Josh called out as I skated closer. "I hope you don't mind, but I brought my friend Sydney tonight. She was telling me today how much she enjoys hockey."

I tore my eyes away from Syd's to greet Josh, forcing a smile to my lips. Don't get me wrong, I was ecstatic that she was there. This was the first time all month I was going to get a chance to have a _normal_ conversation with her. I wouldn't trade this for anything. "No worries Josh. Hey Syd," I didn't even realize I'd called her by my nickname for her until I saw her flinch as the word flowed out of my mouth. "-ney" I quickly added on, trying to make it sound as if it had been one word. "Sydney."

Josh shot me a funny look, but didn't say anything. The rest of the evening, was quite awkward, with Weiss trying his hardest to be funny and ease the tension. We had trouble splitting into two teams. See, I knew that Syd wouldn't want to be paired with me, she had after all, refused to remain my partner, and yet going opposite her was almost harder. Trying to defend her, when all I wanted to do was travel back in time to when it was just the two of us on the ice. When I'd play goal and she'd try to shoot on me, only to lose her balance, or be unable to stop, ending with the two of us locked in a hug, or tumbling to the ice together, myself always trying to desperately break her fall. If there was one thing I didn't want, it was to be the cause of anymore of her bruises. She got enough from work, she didn't need to receive more hanging out with me.

She got on my case about that once, telling me part of the experience of hockey was getting hurt, and that I couldn't protect her at all times. A statement that shook me back to reality when I heard it. There was nothing more that I wanted in life then to be able to protect her from everything, and it hurt to realize that it was an impossible dream. It's painful to think back to that conversation, because it occurred the last time we ever played hockey together, only days before that fateful night and never-taken trip to Santa Barbara.

Anyway, I'm getting off track here. But let's just say, after that night, Eric on my behalf (and Sydney's too I guess) had a very long talk with Josh, letting him into the know on the background of our relationship. Suffice to say that Sydney never showed up at another one of our hockey nights, or any get together for that matter after that.

Since that 1st month, I have only ever talked with Sydney if it was absolutely necessary. I've seen her walking across the ops center, or at mission briefings, but we never sit next or even near to each other, and she always takes the route that will guarantee she is farthest from my office no matter where she is going. It has also become an unspoken rule, that if I am talking to Eric or Josh she doesn't come by and vice versa. I feel like we're back in 3rd grade, but since I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have in the past, I feel it's best to stick to her rules.

But when Marshall announced a couple of weeks ago about Mitchell's upcoming celebration and the party attached, I jumped at the chance for purely selfish reasons. I know many agents accepted the invitation, if only because they owed their life to Marshall and one of his many gadgets. Others, because they truly were Marshall's friend, or had a son/daughter who attended the CIA daycare with Mitchell. But myself? Well I know Sydney enough to know that that she'd never miss her godson's first birthday. It would be the first chance since that hockey night, that I'd have a chance to be in a purely social non-work related situation with her again, and the day of the party just couldn't get here fast enough.

Back to the party at hand, I continued to let myself wander the backyard, searching desperately for the one person who could make me feel sane. The one person who made everything all better, even if she refused to be part of my life. I finally spotted her, sitting with a young boy, probably around the age of two or three, playing with a small collection of Tonka trucks, crashing them into each other.

Finding a vacated chair, I settled down, intent on enjoying the limited time I'd been granted to see Sydney, especially considering the time was going to allow me to see a happy Sydney. I let my mind drift off into a day dream, pretending the little boy actually belonged to me and Sydney, and that we had attended this party together, as a family.


	2. When I'm With You

Okay here's part two.. not rambling except to once again say I don't own any of the chars you recognize from the show… please review or there's no point in me posting this.

Part II:__

_I'm taking my time_

_I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind_

_I'm gonna be fine_

_As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind_

(Simple Plan – _When I'm With You_)

Six months. Half a year. I can't believe it's been that long. In all honesty, the only reason I can hardly believe it, is because I can't believe I've managed to keep him out of my life for this long.

Vaughn. If you talked to me three years ago, I would've told you that my life was starting to revolve around him. Not completely of course, I had my friends, my job, my relationship with my dad as well to think about, but Vaughn, from the day I met him continuously became a bigger and bigger part of my life. That is, he did until that night three years ago when all of a sudden he had no part in my life.

So six months ago, when everything fell out from underneath me, I realized it was time for me to make some drastic decisions about my life. It was time for me to decide what makes me happy, and to cut out those parts of my life that were causing me pain. The problem with that decision, was that there are a million things that were causing me pain, and only about three things that were making me happy. And of those three things, one was also the largest cause of my pain: Vaughn.

It took me a long while, a few sessions with Barnett, and my fateful "talk" with Vaughn for me to realize that as much as I didn't want to, that at this point in my life, having Vaughn was causing more pain then he was bringing me happiness. So I arranged a talk with Dixon, and started to turn my life around.

Dixon refused to let me leave the CIA, even going as far as to threaten me, something which took me a few months to get over before I could look at him with a smile on my face. He also refused to let me distance myself from the Rambaldi case, saying that as the Chosen one, he would've though I'd be more interested in knowing everything the CIA knows about the whole Prophecy issue. Actually, in the end, the only agreement he made (and I think this was only through the pressure of both Dr. Barnett and my dad) was to remove Vaughn as my partner, instead pairing me up with Weiss for all missions possible, and other agents if Weiss was unable and my dad unacceptable.

After sorting out those few agreements, I agreed to take a three week vacation. Three weeks to get over Vaughn and everything else that had happened in those two missing years. Three weeks was not even barely enough time to touch the surface, but I will admit that it did give me a chance to think over different aspects of life and make some important decisions.

I spent the three weeks on the move, visiting places that I'd always meant to, putting as many of my issues to rest as I could. I went and visited Danny's grave, along with Francie's and my own (the CIA has yet to do anything about that). I headed up to Santa Barbara for a few days, visiting the zoo (the giraffe with the crooked neck had died a year ago) and eating at Le Superica. I then took some time off to go and have a nice visit with Will. We took the time to just watch movies and pretend that everything hadn't happened, going back to as if it was three years ago and Vaughn and Francie were both off on vacations somewhere else.

I then headed off for the last week to Europe, touring around France and Italy, making pit stops in a few of the other places Vaughn and I had always promised each other to go to. I figured if I visited them on my own, at least I had an accurate description in my head of what I had missed doing with Vaughn. Sort of a form of torture in some ways, but also a way to live all the experiences I had wanted that were no longer possible.

When I arrived back at work those three weeks later, one of the first events was walking in on Lauren and Vaughn in the break room grabbing coffee together and laughing. Refusing to let myself crash this early on, I had immediately left and searched out Weiss. I'd arrived back late last night and hadn't had a chance to visit with him yet. He brightened my mood considerably, and I managed to successfully avoid Vaughn for the rest of the day.

The rest of that first week was quite difficult, as Vaughn seemed to spend his time trying to search me out, and I spent mine determined to avoid him. The only time I allowed us to be in the same room was for mission briefings, and even then I sat near the door so I could arrive last and leave first, no longer remaining behind to chat with the others.

By the end of the second week Vaughn seemed to have gotten the hint, that or Weiss had finally pointed out to him that I really didn't want to talk. The end of the second week also marked the arrival of Josh Harper, a transfer from Langley to join in our search of Rambaldi.

Josh and I immediately hit it off, but only in the sense of friends. We had a lot in common, or at least appeared too. Both had the same taste in music, tv and movies, and quickly managed to spend many of our breaks arguing over what the three best movies of all time should be. (We never did come up with a finalized list, there's just too many good movies out there).

The only moment I've ever regretted becoming friends with Josh, was the night he took me to play hockey with him and his friends. I'm a spy, and I'm told I'm a genius, so I should've figured out a lot quicker (especially when I had already spent much time with him and Eric) that his hockey buddies were Eric and Vaughn. But no I hadn't, and that moment when I first realized that Vaughn was there I swear time stopped when I locked eyes with him. Not in the good way, though, as Vaughn has always been able to read me quite well, and at that moment I really didn't want him to be reading me at all.

Eric told me weeks later that that night he'd had a long talk with Josh over my whole relationship with Vaughn. It's probably a good thing that he did, because I never ended up in that situation again, thank god. I'm not sure how I would've reacted a second time around.

But the last four months have gone by quite quickly. We haven't really learned any more in terms of our quest for knowledge in the Rambaldi case, but at the same time we seem to be on the same page of all the other Rambaldi adventurers. I've finally started to accept that Vaughn and Lauren are happily married, and that it's time for me to move on with my life.

Eric has always been my best friend, but Josh has become another good friend of the months. It's nice to have more than one person to call upon when you want to catch a movie, or have someone to eat dinner with.

My dad and I are closer than ever, although the first few months after the incidence were hard, as he was afraid to ever leave me alone. He didn't want me to even take those few weeks off because he was afraid he'd never see me again. But we've had some good talks over the last few months, both of us coming to the understanding, that we need someone we can count on to always be there, and since no one else has stepped up to the plate, we're that person for each other. It scares me everyone once and awhile though, because I start to realize that my dad is getting older, and there's nothing I can do to stop that. At some point he's just going to become too old for this spy business, but I'm not too sure how easy of a time he'll have getting out of it.

But whenever I get into one of those train of thoughts, I phone up Josh or Eric and the two or three of us go out and get drunk, or watch movies, whatever it takes to take my mind off of it. It's true what they say, crisis shows you who your real friends are.

So here I am, six months later, celebrating with friends the birthday of Mitchell Flinkman. I can't believe he's already one. Time flies when you're having fun, or when you work 24/7.

I came over to help Marshall and Carrie get ready for this party early this morning, tying the millions of balloons in clumps all over the yard, and setting up tables and chairs for the guests. I was the first to place my gift on the gift table, although if you look over at the table now, you can't even see it, hidden by the pile of gifts that have arrived steadly throughout the afternoon.

Very early on, one of Mitchell's good friends, a two-year-old who I recognized his mom as working over at the joint task force decided that I was to become his new best friend, following behind me everywhere I went.

So for the last 30 minutes or so, I've been sitting off to the side playing with a collection of Tonka Trucks I discovered lying in a heap on the ground. I'd actually started to have a lot of fun with the Kyle, the boy told me his name when I finally turned and talked to him. I was able to let all my worries disappear, because there was no way Kyle would understand why I was worried about my involvement in a prophecy from over 500 years ago, and so I decided there was no reason for me to worry about it then. I'd glance up every now and then making sure things seemed to be going slowly, as I was suppose to be helping to host the party, and in fact, at the end, I was taking Mitchell for the night, so that Carrie and Marshall could celebrate their 1st anniversary.

And so it was while I was in the midst of a mid-Tonka Truck crash when I felt the gaze upon me. Letting my truck continue on it's path to destruction, I let my gaze sneak up, to glance around the party. Originally my eyes just passed over the most likely suspect, before doubling back when the recognition finally seeped in.

Vaughn. I immediately let my eyes drop back to the ground, shaking my head slightly. I should've known, who else would be so obvious. Setting down the few trucks I was holding, I raised my gaze to meet Kyle's.

"Kyle, how 'bout we go and grab some snacks? Do you want something to eat?" I asked him, hoping he'd say yes. The idea of food, seemed like a good one though, as he immediately nodded, his attention distracted from the trucks as well, letting them fall from his hands mid-crash and roll-over. I stood up, reaching my hand down to help him up, which he eagerly took.

Careful to avoid taking the most direct route (which would take us right beside Vaughn), I lead him around the outside of the yard, until we could double back in, approaching the food table. Time to eat. I hadn't realized until I made it there, just how hungry I was.

Grabbing a couple of plates, I helped Kyle put some food on his plate (making sure to give him a few veggies) before piling up my own plate. The two of us then headed towards a group sitting at the picnic tables to sit when I crashed into someone.

Immediately apologizing, I made sure Kyle was alright before I glanced up, eyes coming into direct contact with green. My breath caught in my throat, and I hardly heard Kyle's mom come up and take him off my hands, leaving me open for ambush, and therefore stuck.

The two of us stood there, silent, unmoving, until reality finally hit, and without evening thinking, I turned and ran.

Okay.. I need more reviews than last time or I'm just going to remove the story from this site…


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